Mood:
crushed outTopic: bigong bata
Few months ago I have developed a strong liking with a person, who happens to be a friend. I was in great awe whenever we exchange conversations. I can stay up all night just to talk to her even if I’m not used to because antukin ako. I must admit that it has been a while, since I’ve felt that way. Like a teen-ager, I can’t explain the feeling. I can’t really function well whenever she ignores me (which she usually does) because I’m missing her so much. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t even think. It’s really affecting my daily routine. Even if I tell her what’s happening to me, she doesn’t care…at all.
So you see…I know you’d tell me that by now I should accept the fact that she can’t offer me anything but friendship and I’m just hurting myself begging for her attention. I know that liking is a choice and I’m pretty sure that I can choose not to like her just to keep the friendship. Sure I like her but I’m scared to get to know more about her and eventually fall in love with her because I’m considering the fact that she may be too insensitive and there is big possibility that she’ll be constantly hurting me unconsciously.
I know my heart wants her. My heart needs her. It’s too obvious that there is a great desire for me to be with her. However, I don’t believe in the saying “follow your heart”. Sabi nga ng kanta, a heart doesn’t have a mind of its own. And I agree. So I’ve decided not to follow my heart but to lead my heart. At this point I still don’t know where I would head my heart so I have decided to park it for a while and have it overhauled. I’m allowing my mind to take control while my heart is at rest.
Besides, maybe I’m not yet prepared to fall in love again. I will just know that I’m ready to fall in-love again when all I think of is how to make the woman that I love, happy. That’s when I will start to do efforts to fill-up her needs without expecting that she’ll do the same for me. At this very moment, I would like to stop looking for someone who will satisfy my needs. I would love to find someone whom I can take care of and provide for all her needs. I know it won’t be easy but I’m sure it would be worth it.
