Earlier this year, I had plans in going to Boston to be with my biological father (whom I’ve never met by the way), to try my luck there and to actualize my long over due citizenship confusion. So here’s the plan. I will go there, get a job and when I’m quite stable, invite my ex-girlfriend over for her to work there.
It didn’t happen. One week before my departure, we got back together. She asked me to stay because she said she couldn’t stand being away from me for a long time. I was moved. So I stayed (That’s how stupid I am). After a few days, she told me that she is enrolled in this some kind of a government program. Her reason for taking up the program? To be able to go abroad.
Yup. I had the same reaction.
She stopped me from leaving then she’ll leave me. She has other plans and none of which includes me. I was expecting that she’ll consult me if I’m okay with that idea because I’ve always included her in all my plans. She never did. If we weren’t together, I’d understand. She wants me to just follow all her plans. She said she will go some place else then she’ll ask me to follow.
Yup, I know what you’re thinking.
She never even asked me if it’s ok for me to follow. Isn't it somewhat unfair?
I do understand that she is doing this for her family so I stretched my patience and tried to understand. Until one day I found out that she lied to me about her government program. I felt unloved that moment. If she’s really concerned about me, she could have told me the truth because after all, there is big possibility that we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. I never said a word about it. I was waiting for her to tell me the truth. She was lying all along and I feel so hurt. One day, I woke up not interested with her anymore. I don’t want to see her or even talk to her. It pisses me off whenever she approaches me. I don’t know if I still care about her. Well I guess, the feeling is mutual because I never heard anything from her. She has been lying to me long before I knew it. Of course it hurt me – a lot. I never confronted her because I was hoping that she’d change her mind and tell me the truth. But, it’s too late.
Now I’m stuck here in the Philippines, waiting for the next Boston opportunity. If I only boarded in that plane I could have been with my father now. I must admit that I regret it. I was put into test. I chose her happiness over my long lost dad. I never expected that she’ll do the same for me but she could have told me about her plans so that I can somewhat re-arrange all my plans in life. Now, she chose to be on her own and put me aside, expecting me to wait patiently for her return. She’s treating me as if I’m her possession who will just follow everything she wants me to do. I was so blinded by my affection for her. At first I thought I could never let her go. Well I was surprised one day that I actually did let her go. And there’s no turning back.
Now I can say that I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine. I was able to get through it with the help of my friends who have been very supportive. I’m not looking for a new love as of the moment nor do I welcome the idea of being in love in the next few months. I just want to live a simple life. Finish my MA and start with my PhD. Laugh with friends and stay cool with my family. Bond with as many friends I can and make other people happy. What have I learned out of this? Not to be impulsive. Think also about myself, not just about other people. Think twice. Think thrice. Think and don’t follow my heart right away. Don’t trust too much. That’s about it.
Have a nice day!
