premonition
Mood:
crushed out
Topic: life kong weird
What a terrible day! Woke up late, sakit ng katawan ko kasi mali pwesto ko sa kama, walang sasakyan, dami tao, sobrang traffic muntik na ko ma-late at higit sa lahat pinag-lilihiman ako ng girlfriend ko ang aga-aga pa. I know we have to keep some things to ourselves pero this matter concerns me. I feel so helpless, distrusted and betrayed all at the same time. I feel so hurt, enough to make me cry. Ang aga pa pero I feel so low. Parang ang baba ng energy ko, wala kong gana magwork. Di ko alam kung dahil ba sa dami, natatamad ako o dahil ba malungkot lang ako. I’m trying to reach out..but she’s turning away from me. What’s the point of all of this shit? I feel the weakest now…I feel like falling apart. Tomorrow is our Christmas Party, and that’s a big thing for me because I’m the person-in-charge of that. Pero I can’t feel the spirit of Christmas. I can’t feel the excitement. Bahala na, if I fail tomorrow probably wala na kong work after tomorrow night. Gusto ko ng umuwi. Payroll pa, papatayin ako ng boss ko pag di naka-sweldo mga tao ngayong weekend. Wala pa kong nasisimulan. Bakit ba nagsasabay-sabay pa? I needed her most now pero I won’t beg for her. She doesn’t trust me nga eh so what’s the point di ba? Looks like I’ll be spending my birthday and my 2007 Christmas alone.
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 10:12 PM WST
Updated: Thursday, 13 December 2007 9:13 AM WST
premonition
Mood:
crushed out
What a terrible day! Woke up late, sakit ng katawan ko kasi mali pwesto ko sa kama, walang sasakyan, dami tao, sobrang traffic muntik na ko ma-late at higit sa lahat pinag-lilihiman ako ng girlfriend ko ang aga-aga pa. I know we have to keep some things to ourselves pero this matter concerns me. I feel so helpless, distrusted and betrayed all at the same time. I feel so hurt, enough to make me cry. Ang aga pa pero I feel so low. Parang ang baba ng energy ko, wala kong gana magwork. Di ko alam kung dahil ba sa dami, natatamad ako o dahil ba malungkot lang ako. I’m trying to reach out..but she’s turning away from me. What’s the point of all of this shit? I feel the weakest now…I feel like falling apart. Tomorrow is our Christmas Party, and that’s a big thing for me because I’m the person-in-charge of that. Pero I can’t feel the spirit of Christmas. I can’t feel the excitement. Bahala na, if I fail tomorrow probably wala na kong work after tomorrow night. Gusto ko ng umuwi. Payroll pa, papatayin ako ng boss ko pag di naka-sweldo mga tao ngayong weekend. Wala pa kong nasisimulan. Bakit ba nagsasabay-sabay pa? I needed her most now pero I won’t beg for her. She doesn’t trust me nga eh so what’s the point di ba? Looks like I’ll be spending my birthday and my 2007 Christmas alone.
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 9:43 AM WST
thoughts
Mood:
hungry
Topic: wala lang
After a long time, heto na nanaman ako at magpo-post nanaman…this is the most busy week I ever had in my entire year 2007. Plus, my birthday is coming up. I’m turning 23. I’m sooo tired and sooo sleepy and sooo hungry. I bought a planner a while ago for my kris kringle baby. I also bought chocolates for my other kris kringle. Hmmm I still don’t have a costume for this Friday. I’m making a script. Yup and it’s really a script. My hosts are first-timers and they really need to be spoonfed for this. Damn I’m having a headache…
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 2:55 PM WST
angel's post 2 years ago (this is a background to my next post hehe)
Mood:
cheeky
Topic: Chismis
fyi, to all, i have been alone for almost two years. No boyfriend at all. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Feeling all the insecurities that I have and covering up all the loneliness that I've been feeling all this time. Just a brief background about me, about two years ago I rarely open up to someone. Usually I don't let myself get hurt by anybody that I would be involved with. I always try to not love or like someone too much so he won't have the upper hand with my emotions. Well just this week, I let myself get hurt. I finally accepted the thought of having a special someone. I thought that was my problem before that's why I can't get someone. Anyway he ended up hurting me. I really thought we had something there but I was wrong. I really need to be cautious again and not let just anyone enter my life...
I also think that the relationship I tried to create with some of friends are falling apart. For one thing everyone's busy nowadays and they can’t seem to give time to their friends although I do appreciate
the effort of others. It's really been hard especially going back to my self-pity mode. Anyway at least its ok and at least I have a career path na. No boys for me muna, just sex and no emotions. It’s a sad life but at least none of this heartbreak bullshit! Bye for now peeps and I miss you all!
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 10:48 AM WST
Updated: Thursday, 6 December 2007 10:51 AM WST
maulan
Mood:
irritated
Topic: wala lang
nasira ang payong ko this morning at ayun swerte! basa ng ulan haha hirap gumising putek! no one could guess my code in kris kringle haha who would expect na ganun code ko. hanggang ngayon hinuhulaan pa nila kung sino yun. well, kapag hindi walang nakahula nun, sayang 1,000 pesos.
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 8:47 AM WST
Monito/Monita
Mood:
don't ask
Topic: wala lang
today is the first day of our monito/monita. the first item is something scented and useful. well i want to be more creative on this hmmm i rushed to the grocery store. found myself paying for a wash room freshener-albatross with free mini albatross lemon scent and napthalene balls. aren't they scented and very useful? haha well my monita is a female. hope she likes it. on friday, the second kris kringle item is something nasty but cute. i can't think of any...how i want to be extra creative so i bought a mini cd and burn few nasty songs haha then i added up a keychain to reach the desired amount. next week, third item na...hmmm ano naman kaya??? haha
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 2:40 PM WST
Updated: Wednesday, 5 December 2007 2:44 PM WST
What The?
Mood:
irritated
Topic: life kong weird
bakit ganun? why laging failed?
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 2:59 PM WST
great weekend
Mood:
a-ok
Damn I’m too busy today! Load of paperworks, recruitment and training…well most of my time is spent on preparing for our Christmas party. Tomorrow is boss’ birthday, hmm what shall be our gimik this time…Now with recruitment, I guess I’m lucky its raining referrals (hehe) or is it about my newly launched internal referral system. Dang! Kahit ano pa yan at least ok ang supply ko. On the brighter side of life hehe my weekend is so cool. Met up with bandmates, earn a little additional money for mom. Known new friends from that gig. I’ve known a few who influenced my life in an instant. Well, first is mark, the freak manager. I’ve known for like what, 3 weeks pa lang but I’m glad we get along well and he has lots of inspiring stories and pieces of advice. From him, I learned that being a bastard doesn’t lead me to building a bastard kingdom. It leads to failed relationships. I agree to that and that’s totally true. Next is JB’s girlfriend, Nica, who was a lesbian turned hottie. Well, she told me that even how decided a person can be, he or she can change her mind in an unexpected time. I rather not agree because everything happens for a reason and that reason is the basis for change. Magulo ba? Haha ako din naguguluhan na eh. Now last is pare, she is my female counterpart. Her family set-up is as complicated as mine. Everything seems to be just like the same. I’m glad that I’ve known her. Really. Even if she’s tetchy at times.
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 11:17 AM WST
Updated: Thursday, 6 December 2007 10:51 AM WST
Binatang Ama
Mood:
accident prone
Topic: life kong weird
Ang hirap pag binata ka pa at tatlo na ang anak mo.
O alam ko na ang sasabihin mo, chickboy ako? Dehins yata!
Namulat lang ako sa maagang pagpapamilya. Ang hirap nga eh, hindi ko talaga masabing anak ko sila. Para kasing wala akong karapatang angkinin sila, considering the fact na hindi naman kami ng mga nanay nila. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa impluwensya yun ng kuya ko, nanay ko o tatay ko. Basta alam ko, nagawa ko yun ng hindi ko naiisip kung anong pwedeng kahantungan.
Nanay at tatay ko, ginawa ang kuya ko, 2nd year college pa lang. Naghiwalay pagkatapos manganak at nagpakasal sa iba ang tatay ko (weird). Hmm iniisip ko tuloy kung sino ba ang nanay ko sa buhay ng tatay ko, sya kaya ang orig? O sya ang inanakan lang.
Uso na pala ang tanga nung araw kasi pagkatapos sya anakan ng tatay ko, konting lambing lang at nabuo na ako. Lumaki na palipat-lipat sa kamag-anak simula nung nag-asawa na rin ang nanay ko.
Kung tatanungin mo ko, malaki talaga ang pamilya ko. Siyam kami, sa loob at sa labas. Ang kuya ko, di na mabilang ang panganay at ako, ayun nga, tatlo na ang anak ko. Yung isa nga nag-aaral na.
High-school pa lang ako, tatay na ko. Tatay ng isang batang kailanman hindi ipinakita sakin ng nanay nya. Ayaw na raw nya ng gulo at may sariling pamilya na sya ngayon. Malungkot kasi hindi ko man lang mayakap ang panganay ko.
Ang kambal kong mga anak. Iniwan na nila ko agad, dun na sila maninirahan for good. Ngayon…hindi ko maisip kung ano bang gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Masama ako, confused, misunderstood…at ayoko na ring mag-isip.
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 4:14 PM WST
Updated: Monday, 3 December 2007 5:39 PM WST
salamin
Mood:
crushed out
Topic: life kong weird
"Musta naman? Parang masigla ka ata." Sabi mo habang naghuhubad ako ng sapatos.
"Ayos lang. Nagkausap uli kami."
"Sino? Ang dati mong girlfriend?"
"Oo. Naghiwalay na ata sila ng boyfriend niya. Nagtext siya sa kin kagabi kung pwede daw kaming magkwentuhan. Di nag-reply ako. Parang wala naman kaming pinagsamahan kung iisnabin ko sya di ba?"
"Sa bagay. Bakit naman daw ikaw ang tinext niya? Wala ba siyang ibang matext?"
"Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam. Ang dami naman daw na nanliligaw sa kanya. Malay mo miss nya ako?"
"Asa ka pa. Ano naman kwinento sa iyo"
"Birthday niya kasi nung November. Bakit daw hindi ko siya tinawagan. Hindi ko rin daw siya tinext. Hindi ko nga siya maintindihan kasi hindi naman niya ako boyfriend. "
"Baka naman na-realize niya na ikaw mahal niya."
"Hindi ko alam. Sinabi rin niya yung naging problema nila ng boyfriend niya kaya nagkahiwalay sila. Parang ang daming iniisip. Pinapatawa ko nga eh."
"Ano namang pakiramdam noong magkausap kayo? Ngayon lang kayo nagkausap uli pagkatapos ng hiwalayan ninyo di ba?"
"Oo. Wala lang."
"Sige matutulog na ko. Bukas na lang tayo magkwentuhan uli."
Napansin mo siguro na natahimik ako. Naalala ko kasi ang mga sinabi nya. Kahit hindi niya sabihin sa kin. Alam kong iba pa rin mahal niya. Akala ko wala na kong mararamdaman nang magkausap kami pero bakit naiinggit ako sa lalaking yun? Noon pinili kong lumayo para makasama niya mahal niya. Pero nasaktan lang pala siya. Naisip ko siguro mabait lang siya sa akin ngayon kasi wala siyang makausap. Pero naniniwala pa rin ako sa lahat ng sinasabi niya. Habang nag-uusap kami gusto ko siyang yakapin. Gusto kong sabihin na mahal ko pa rin siya. Pero hindi ko nagawa.
Gusto ko pa sanang makipagkwentuhan sa iyo pero inaantok ka na pala. Sige bukas na lang kita kakausapin, pagharap ko uli sa salamin.
Posted by forgotten-vodka
at 3:09 PM WST
